DAY 15 - 03.11.18

Today was the hardest day so far. It was my mom's birthday so we drove down to cache valley to celebrate, Happy Birthday Mom!! Around 6:00 we got a call from our nurse practitioner (they call every day to update us) and he said that they had given her some surfactant to try to improve her lungs and it wasn't working. This led them to believe that she is developing an infection so they started her on antibiotics to try and get ahead of it. He also said that they had to turn her oxygen on her vent up to around 40%, which is about double what she was on before. I wasn't too nervous until I noticed that Klay looked really worried and then I started to panic a little. Up until today she really hasn't had anything awful happen... but today we really got a glimpse into the worst possible outcome of all of this. We were forced to realize that there is a possibility that she doesn't ever get to come home with us. There's a chance that she just might not make it. And that is the most heartbreaking feeling in the world! We've tried to stay positive about everything, but it is impossible to not worry and to not think about the "what ifs."
After they called we left my parents house and went to Klay's sister's house real quick to get Klay's hair cut and to get a blessing. Klay's dad, Miles, was able to give Klay a blessing and then Klay gave me one. We drove home and hurried to the hospital to see our baby. We feel so much comfort when we are near her and so much fear when we're away. Luckily when we got there she had gotten back down to 27% on her oxygen and a couple other settings on her vent had gone down. The nurse said she was doing well so we hope the antibiotics have already started helping if there is an infection there.
 It was bath day and bed change day so we got to help with that! I got to give her a little sponge bath and then I got to hold her in my arms while they switched out her isolette for a new sanitized one. Every time I've gotten to hold her my love grows mountains for her. She is so pure and sweet, I couldn't have asked for a more perfect child.
We stayed until 1 A.M. and then we decided to go home to get some rest. We hope and pray that tomorrow brings better news.

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